Change Is On It’s Way

I have had “post a blog” on my To Do List for the past month.  I managed to get one entry up a couple weeks ago, but that’s pretty pathetic to my mind.  Perhaps I just have my expectations set too high, so I don’t even make an attempt.  That’s probably what it is actually – I always feel like I’m not putting forth my best effort if my post is shorter than 5 paragraphs or so.

This whole summer has been about change though, so I think changing my attitude towards blogging is easy enough to do.  Now I just want to post more often, with no expectations about length or content.  I’m also thinking I might use my cell phone to take pictures throughout the day (when it makes sense to), and upload those.  Just for something different.  Plus I’m thinking I need to post a link on my Facebook and Nexopia pages every time I post.  Having readers motivates me more.

I must say this is one of my better summers overall in terms of spending money (or in this case, not spending money).  It’s not that I’m not buying stuff, because I still am, I’m just a bit more selective.  So I usually get stuff that I will actually use.  And I’ve become much more dedicated about making up a list before I go.  Not that a list stops me from browsing and getting more than I need, but it does tend to minimize it a bit.

I’m also switching my credit cards around.  Because I want cards that have rewards that actually benefit me.  This was prompted when my CIBC Visa informed me the Shoppers Optimum Points option was being replaced by the Dividend/Cash Back option.  I don’t exactly use my card enough to get enough money back for it to be any use.  So I’ve gotten a Visa through Citizens Bank.  With every purchase, money is donated to a charity, and I earn points which can later be turned into yet another donation (and a tax receipt for myself).  That just makes way more sense to myself.  Now I’m trying to switch my BMO Mastercard with Airmiles for a Canadian Tire Mastercard so I can potentially get a free oil change a year instead of nothing with my Airmiles.  2 years, and there’s very little I can get with my points.

I miss doing my make-up differently everyday, and doing my hair.  Lately it’s just been some mascara and powder, and my hair up in a ponytail.  Exact same everyday.  I was putting a bit more effort into my make-up on the weekends, but I’ve been slacking off there too.  This is something else I want to change.  I’m going to make the effort to do one or the other, if not both.  It makes me feel good about myself.  Yea, I can feel good without them, but when you’re having a bad day, every little bit helps.

 

I had the day off work today, so I was actually able to get a lot accomplished.  It feels pretty good overall.  I’ve noticed I’m getting a lot more organized the older I get.  My room no longer has a huge pile in the middle.  I’ll put stuff on the floor sometimes, but it’s because I’d rather put it there than not put it away properly.  I also notice that when I feel stressed about something, any mess drives me absolutely bonkers and all I want to do is clean.

I managed to clean my fishes’ bowls tonight.  Well, to be honest I just changed the water.  Whenever I clean it, the chemical I add to neutralize the water makes the water go all murky.  And the fish make lots of bubbles that kind of crust on the top.  It’s very weird.  So essentially, I need to clean the bowls, put the water with the chemical in it for a day, and then put fresh water in so the fish don’t die.  Although they are pretty hardy fish.  They have to be with me.

Tonight is the first night of my Sleep Schedule.   I had to come up with something to help me prepare for 8am classes in the fall.  While the 8am part may not sound so bad, 1) I’m a night owl, and 2) I’m going to have to get up at 5:30am so I have time to get ready and catch the train.  But I’m not going to complain too much since I have no more than 3 classes a day, and I’m off by or before 3pm 3 days a week.

Now I think everyone who has read all of this should make me super happy and leave a comment (you don’t need an account or anything.)  Please?!

Lovestruck

 

That’s me.  :-)  I’m slowly admitting it to myself, and to Jason.  Big step for me.  But it feels great.  And that’s the most important thing.  No pressure whatsoever, just expressing what I feel.

Work is a work in progress essentially.  I love the library.  It’s a really great job, and the people are nice and the customers are nice.  But I haven’t been getting a lot of hours.  So I had to go and find another job.  I started last Friday at Pier 1 as a supervisor.  It’s been an experience so far.  The first day, I hated it.  My second shift I hated at first, but I started to enjoy myself a bit more towards the end.  And today’s shift was awesome.  Although today was spent opening boxes of stock in the backroom.  So I’m not really sure what that’s saying.  I guess I’ll have to wait and see how next week goes.

I also had the thought of going back to Claire’s as a third job.  My old manager mentioned that she’d have some hours for me if I wanted.  The only thing is, when I quit last time I swore I would never go back.  But money would be nice, and there isn’t exactly much of a learning curve, which is kind of reassuring.

I’ve noticed I’m not as confident anymore.  Not really sure why this happened, but I really doubt my ability to learn new things.  And it held me back from applying to a bunch of jobs when I was looking.

I miss blogging.  I keep saying I will do more, but I haven’t been doing very well.  Nothing exciting has been happening though.  Actually, that isn’t true.  It just seems to type itself (or come out of my mouth when I’m talking to people) a lot.  Not sure why that is either.

I’ve changed a lot this past year.  In so many different ways.  Last year at this time I was so stoked on going to U of C, and planning everything I was going to do for studying, and arranging supplies, etc.  And while I wouldn’t say I was man-hating, I definitely wasn’t planning on getting involved in any kind of relationship anytime soon.  My friend base has changed a bit.  My close friends are still there, but I’ve met a bunch of new people, and have drifted away from a lot as well.  I’m ok with that.  I think it’s for the best.

Looking back at my old blog (essentially from a year ago), it’s fairly obvious how much I have changed.  Even my writing style has changed a bit.  At least grammatically, to my eye. 

Oh wow, I just “reminded” myself about kakuro puzzles (aka cross sums).  I was addicted to them before.  They’re just awesome, and challenging.  Too bad I don’t have any to work on right now.   Or access to a printer.  That would be nice.  I found an on-line option.  So I’m off.  Ciao! :-)

A New Chapter Begins

Today was my last day with EBA.  Finally!!!  I really hate blaming someone/something other than myself for being unhappy, but that job was seriously dragging me down.  Now I can begin making the changes that I need to be 100% happy again.

Jason left for Peru this morning.  Call me weird, or pathetic, or whatever, but I really, really, really miss him.  Even though I saw him last night.  Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with this.  It’s not like I’ve completely stopped functioning or anything.  Actually, the timing is probably really great because I have this week to start making changes.  And when he is around, I tend to spend as much time as possible with him.  This way, that’s not an option.  :-)  And that’s probably a large dose of me being optimistic about the situation.

Unfortunately, I’ve already “bogged” myself down a bit this week.  Doing some work for my aunt.  Not that the money won’t be nice, but I’ve got a bunch of stuff I would like to do, and if I keep offering to work, I’m not going to have enough time.  And that will just lead me back to the same problem I was having with my old job.  But the first step to resolving a problem is recognizing and admitting it.  Which means, I need to make more time for myself and doing those things on my to do list that keep getting pushed back.

But despite this, I’m making a big step towards being happy this week.  I’ve got plans for 2 yoga classes, a workout, and 2 days of snowboarding (in Whistler!) this week.  Physical activity (of any kind) was one of my favourite things as far back as I can remember. But lately it’s fallen into the non-essential category, and therefore, I haven’t exactly done a whole lot.  So this is my first big change.

Actually, my daily yoga journal inspiration said it perfectly (although the article was talking directly about meditation, this applies to pretty much everything for me right now):

“…do not make a rigid structure and then chastise yourself when you don’t comply with it…Missed a day? You’ll begin again the next day. Where are you going anyway but right where you are? But that doesn’t mean structure isn’t important. It’s easier to return to something solid…Structure helps support your urge to do it.”

I’m realizing that what has worked for me in the past, isn’t necessarily going to work for me now.  And that’s ok.  I just need to accept it, move on, and come up with something new.  Something that will work for who I am now.

The Ball is Finally Rolling

I’ve definitely made some changes since my last post.  A lot can happen in a week when you put your mind to it.  Well, it actually isn’t a whole lot, but the effect these changes have made is pretty big.

Without going into a whole lot of detail, partly because I want this to be a quick post, and partly because I don’t really feel like thinking a whole lot about it, here’s what I did:

• told Karine (my snowboard coach) that I’m just sick of riding, and that I don’t want to come Wednesday nights for the rest of the season;
• because of this I also told Maddy I could only drive her to/from Riders on Monday nights;
• called my aunt and said that I’m just not as focused on her work anymore, and I’m not getting tons done, and that I really don’t want to keep doing more;
• started looking for a new job;
• applied at the library (again), and actually set up an interview;
• called the temp agency to say I wanted to leave my job, and they ended up telling my supervisor for me (although she still wanted to talk about my reasons for leaving, which is totally understandable);
• created and printed off a checklist for March;
• actually made plans to go out one night with some friends; and
• Jason and I even went for a run.

All of that in a week.  Wow, I was busy.  But I feel a lot better about the direction I’m headed now (which isn’t exactly anywhere specific, but at least it’s more of an open field than a dead-end).

Hopefully this week I can fit in at least a couple yoga classes.  I’m thinking of going to a Prana class at Bodhi Tree on Thursday, and then a class at Calgary Hot Yoga with Jason on Friday.  Ideally I’d like to do a class at Bodhi Tree on Saturday or Sunday, but we’ll see what happens.  Maybe I’ll be able to motivate myself to go for a run again at some point.

Difficulty is 100% subjective.