New Blog Name

I changed the name of my blog.  Because I don’t want to focus on the chaos.  I want to focus on the happiness.

I firmly believe in the the Law of Attraction.  And by posting about all my unhappiness, I’m only attracting more.  So…no more.  I am going to be happy, and positive.

 

The name is based on my motto.  The same one I got tattooed on my back over a year ago as a reminder to myself and anyone else who saw it to do as it says.

 

 

 

 

 

And in that theme, here’s a picture of me having great fun (in Construction class, on the roof).  I love putting on my tool belt and hard hat and then accomplishing something.

 

 

 

Thanks to Krystal, I’ve come across a great blog.  This lady truly is an inspiration.  And I feel like I just have to share it in hopes that even one more person might be inspired by Stephanie (aka NieNie). 

Disappearing Zen?

I was happy.  But then I started to worry.  I don’t know why, but I did.  Now I’m trying to get off this mind-track.  Not easy though.  Everyone seems so distant though – they’ve got their own problems.  I hate feeling guilty for putting my problems on other people.  Especially when they’re recurring.  Somehow I need to find the strength to face my biggest fear.  Be honest.  Because that’s the only way this whole issue will disappear.  I shouldn’t be scared of my feelings.  They’re a part of me.  That doesn’t make it any easier though: I’m still terrified of losing him.  :-(

Jumping Without Looking…Again

It’s kind of funny how it works, just when you think you’ve been completely abandoned and yet you need a hand to hold more than ever, hands suddenly appear everywhere.  Well, maybe my situation isn’t (wasn’t?) quite that desperate, and the response wasn’t quite that miraculous, but that’s the gist of it.  I’m definitely thankful though.  Makes me feel a little bit better about what I’m thinking of doing.

 I decided to tell a friend about my “plan” that I muttered about in my last post.  And there was nothing but support.  So, I figure I may as well throw it out there.  Here goes:  I’m thinking, well, seriously thinking….maybe even almost 99% sure I’m going to, switch to SAIT next year and take Architectural Technologies.  Because I honestly hate university.  The school part of it at least.  I am not motivated or interested in my courses.  All I think about is how it has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to be doing.

 I think that’s my biggest problem with university.  Granted it’s only the first semester, but I can make my mind up quickly sometimes.  The focus is on learning, but not learning things that will be useful when you actually get a job.  With my current degree I’d have to slog through 2 years of complete bullshit courses before I could even start to do anything related to architecture.  And that kind of pisses me off.  Especially since that’s the “fast-track” way.

Besides, when talking with my parents, they brought up some very true points.  Granted, I’m still reluctant to admit to them.  Such as the fact that I put snowboarding before school this year.  Definitely refused to admit to that before (which is probably what pissed my mom off so much).  But it’s true, if I was really serious about architecture I would’ve gone out east to go to school.  That’s where the good programs are.  Not only did I decide to stay here, but I made up my entire class schedule (including choosing options) based on wanting to snowboard training at least 1 afternoon a week.  Perhaps I subconsciously knew that university wouldn’t be for me?  Who knows, it’s possible.

One of the things I brought up in our conversation was how I didn’t know what I was good at that I enjoyed anymore.  Actually, I’m pretty sure I said there wasn’t anything that I was good at.  And my dad brought up drafting right away.  It’s kind of weird how you forget about the little things sometimes.  Like how much I absolutely loved drafting back in high school.   I can actually remember the first time I did it in junior high, and I loved it even then.  So yeah, I guess there still are things that I’m good at that I enjoy.  They just don’t happen to be right in front of my nose.

And that’s kind of where the whole SAIT bit comes in.  Actually, I’d been thinking about transferring before, but not too seriously.  There was also a bit of pressure from certain people (who I won’t name because they’re really special to me, and they’re just voicing their opinions) to get a university degree and not waste myself on anything else.  Which I’m realizing isn’t right.  Because there’s no point in me getting a degree if I’m not going to be happy with where I end up.

So I’m going to go talk to some counsellors, at U of C and at SAIT, and just make sure I’m making the right decision.  And then (hopefully) I’ll apply.  And go from there.