I Need to Vent

Another crappy day overall.

Things have progressively been getting worse again.

My neck was getting better – then all of a sudden it spread down my shoulders into my mid-back, and my lower back got all tense and painful because it was trying to do all the work.

I haven’t been sleeping well.  And I’ve been having lots of weird dreams.  Slept through 3 alarms yesterday, and today I ended up skipping school just to try and catch up on sleep.

I’m feeling extremely unmotivated about school again.  Everyone else is getting excited about projects we’re getting – I am less than thrilled (which only leads me to believe this really isn’t the right career for me).  Plus I don’t feel like I’ve learned half of what I’m supposed to have by this point.  I feel like an idiot more often than not.  So that definitely doesn’t help.  And that only makes me feel even more frustrated.

On the bright side, I’m enjoying doing yoga again.  Even though I have to hold off on backbends with my injuries (which happen to be my favourite poses).  And I notice I doze off really quickly (and start having more messed up “dreams) in savasana instead of staying focused on my breath.  Plus my breathing feels blocked, so I never really am able to breath deeply.

Today I really feel like my recent positive attitude hasn’t been much more than a cover-up for how unhappy I still truly am.  It’s frustrating, because I don’t want to feel this way.  But sometimes the support that people offer just makes me feel worse about myself, or there isn’t any support from the people I really want it from.

I definitely feel a lot of pressure to just finish school – that I give up too easily, and that I’m not supposed to enjoy it.  There’s also the pressure to get a degree/diploma, just for the sake of having it, even if I never use it.  And then there’s the pressure to not pursue carpentry because I’ll never make enough money.

I really feel like I’m being pulled in all these different directions (none of which I don’t really want to go in) simply because I want to make people around me happy.

#63

I am halfway through week 8 of the first semester.  And there’s 16 weeks in total, including exams.  This is good news – if I made it through the first 7 weeks, I can make it through the next 7 (and theoretically, the remaining week and a half).  It still seems so far away.

I was going to post an entry last Thursday about my Construction class, but never got around to it.  So I’ll just post the pics now without a story (in short – we put up roof trusses).

One of the most interesting things I’ve noticed being in an architectural program is how my views about architecture and design, and what I like and don’t like, have changed a lot (even since the beginning of the program).  I’ve been trying to write an explanation for about 5 minutes, but I just can’t seem to convey it.  So the summary would be I went from liking buildings on a grand scale with lots of detailing (ie. Gothic style), to smaller buildings which are more functional and very simply (ie. modern style, “Organic” style).  And with this change has come a completely different idea of what my dream house is.

This is not to say I don’t love looking at blueprints and floor plans for any building I can.  I think that’s just a blast.  I just don’t like doing all the drawing of them myself (although designing them is still up in the air).

The more I use AutoCAD, the more I hate it.  That’s all I have to say on that topic.

I’m super excited – tonight I get to watch a “new” episode of Work Out, and the premiere of Stylista.

Procrastinating

I’m in class…supposed to be working on finishing my house plan…but I’m trying to keep myself entertained while doing anything else.

This probably shouldn’t be the case.  The drawing you see above is not even close to being finished.  I’ve got details to all 4 parts that you can see…and I still need to draw another 5 parts.  All by next Monday.

The big problem is the complete lack of motivation I feel towards completing it.  I mean, if I could just work super hard and finish it, then I could do all my internet browsing and game playing completely guilt-free.  But alas, that point just never penetrates deeply enough into my brain for it to become a reality.

My current “distraction” is trying to find some more blogs to read.  Because I can’t lie, I love reading blogs.  Not informative ones.  The personal ones.  That have character.  And are interesting.  I found a new one today. It’s the blog of Chantel Simmons, who happens to be the author of Stuck in Downward Dog.  Which I happen to highly recommend.

 

I was attempting to find a yoga blog (I don’t necessarily enjoy the ones on yogajournal.com as they’re American, and to be honest, not always that entertaining.)  Anyways, Google managed to come across one of my own posts in the hunt.  It threw me off a bit, as it was on the first page options.  I didn’t know Google rated my blog that highly.

Ooo, I can actually say I know someone who’s engaged.  It might sound strange, but I’m still “young” enough that I don’t have a lot of friends that are at that stage yet.  I know people through Jason that are engaged, or are married.  But this is the first time (at least I think it is) that it’s one of my “own” friends.  Not that we’re close or anything – I haven’t seen her in person in 2 years.  But still.

I absolutely love Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey and Arizona Red Apple Green Tea with Ginseng.  OMG.  So yummy.  And only $0.99.   For 695 mL.  Which is amazing.  I am attempting to limit myself to only buying one when I go down to the store, otherwise I am prone to buying way too much candy.  So one drink a day I can live with.  It’s even cheaper than Tim’s!

Another procrastination-aid that I have found is iGoogle.  I’ve got it set up with a calendar, some horoscopes, some news highlights, countdown timers, a few games, some comics, a yoga pose-of-the-day, the weather, and some other things.  It’s great.   I highly recommend it.

I must say I am disappointed that Harper is Prime Minister still.  I can’t say I’m surprised, but I was hoping that the majority of Canada would vote the same as me and let the NDP have a crack at being in charge.   Not that I worry overly much about politics.  It just seems that I live in the wrong place – no one I’ve voted for in previous elections has ever won.  Which is only slightly depressing.

So I can officially say I wasted my entire 3 hour class.  And I can’t say I feel guilty.

And So It Begins

Jason left today.  Not fun.  I dealt with it better than I thought I would, but I’m definitely still pretty bummed.

I’ve started about 3 different posts in the past week, but I kept left them half finished, and never posted them.  Oops.

Right now I’m supposed to be working on a stupid drawing assignment.  I’ve got 3 due by Wednesday.  So not impressed.  They’re all pretty time consuming too, which just makes the projects that much worse (it’s bad enough that I dislike any sort of artistic drawing – and with good reason, as I suck).

I stayed at Jason’s most of the past week, so it’s pretty weird being home again.  My mom got mad at me pretty much as soon as I got back.  Surprise, surprise.  That was one thing I really didn’t miss.  Actually, the only thing I really missed was my “stuff” – like my desk, and my computer set-up, and having all my clothes, etc.  I take that as a good sign.  Although it is getting a bit confusing – Jason’s place is just as much home as my parent’s place is.

I’m really looking forward to starting up yoga again.  I just need to go the first time

Shopping

Today I went to Shoppers Drug Mart.  I swear it is the worst store in terms of shopaholicy for me.  The only thing I “needed” when I went in there was some new Method Shower Cleaner.  $4.99 worth of product.  That’s it.  I ended up spending $55.  Oops.  I got some new Quo tweezers (so I don’t have to drag my good pair over to Jason’s every weekend), and some Maybelline eyeliner, and some Sally Hansen nail polish, and a new bottle of Aveeno lotion.

However, the Maybelline eyeliner is a “good” extra purchase.  Lately I’ve been realizing just how much of a brand-snob I am.  Not that I will only use/wear the best brands.  It’s more like once I find something I like, I just stick with it and don’t experiment with anything else.  So for make-up, that’s pretty much MAC.  For clothes, I’ve been hitting up Dynamite and Smart Set and Below the Belt and Off the Wall…and that’s about it.  Anyways, I decided about a month ago that I was going to slowly venture out of my comfort zone, if you will.  It’s taken this long, but I have made the first step.  So I’m pretty proud of myself.

I’m going to do a mani and pedi before I go to bed tonight.  I could go to bed early, but I’ve been wanting to do this for a few weeks.  So tonight’s the night.  And I still need to get around to dyeing my hair.  Soon.

In other news, Jason is moving to Fort McMurray.  It’s like 99% official.  I don’t think it’s going to be easy (I see myself as fairly needy for attention), but I honestly see myself with him in the long-term, so it’s going to work out.  We’ve talked lots about it – it’s not so great right now, but it will definitely set us on the right path for our future.  The move-out date hasn’t been set yet, but it’ll probably be in about 3 weeks.  So that time is probably going to be filled with me spending as much time with him as possible.  And I have every intent of stockpiling as many hugs as possible.  :-)

School is going fairly well.  There’s still a part of me that doesn’t understand why I’m pursuing something I’m still not sure I want to do career-wise.  But I guess this is as good a way to find out as any.  So far I’m finding it really interesting.  I’m getting frustrated with a lot of the drawing stuff really easily – but I have learned that my mind sees things in terms of rectangles (and rectangular prisms).  So throw a triangle, or anything with a slant, and it doesn’t translate well.  It’s a start.

I still think Jill’s suggestion of becoming a project manager or something for house flips would be a good career fit.  Not sure how that will work in terms of moving to a small town though.  But I think Jason is right when he says I’ll probably enjoy hands-on work more than sitting in front of a computer all day.

Any other possible career ideas are always welcome though.

Here’s some pictures of a couple houses that I think look really cool.  I figured they’d be a bit more appealing than the pictures I took of concrete last week.  ;-)  But you’ve been forewarned, there will probably be many other building pictures following these.

#44

I am a see-saw.  One week I love working at Pier 1, the next I hate it.

I cleaned my bathroom tonight.  Finally.

I love Jason.  In case you didn’t know.

I miss working out.  I plan on starting again once school starts and the gym is convenient.  Sad, but true.

I am definitely in need of some Zen.  I am in the middle of a 17-days of work streak.

My abs are lacking.  I am not fat, do not read this wrong.  I am happy with my body, blah, blah blah – I simply wish I had stunningly ripped abs.

I wish more people would comment.  And not just people looking for me to buy something from them.  People who actually “care” about me in some way, shape, or form.

I love Sunbird.  I wish I had more of a use for it.

I work too early tomorrow morning.  8am is not a good time for me to be at work.  It also means I should be in bed already.  My plans for the evening have gone completely awry.