I Need to Vent

Another crappy day overall.

Things have progressively been getting worse again.

My neck was getting better – then all of a sudden it spread down my shoulders into my mid-back, and my lower back got all tense and painful because it was trying to do all the work.

I haven’t been sleeping well.  And I’ve been having lots of weird dreams.  Slept through 3 alarms yesterday, and today I ended up skipping school just to try and catch up on sleep.

I’m feeling extremely unmotivated about school again.  Everyone else is getting excited about projects we’re getting – I am less than thrilled (which only leads me to believe this really isn’t the right career for me).  Plus I don’t feel like I’ve learned half of what I’m supposed to have by this point.  I feel like an idiot more often than not.  So that definitely doesn’t help.  And that only makes me feel even more frustrated.

On the bright side, I’m enjoying doing yoga again.  Even though I have to hold off on backbends with my injuries (which happen to be my favourite poses).  And I notice I doze off really quickly (and start having more messed up “dreams) in savasana instead of staying focused on my breath.  Plus my breathing feels blocked, so I never really am able to breath deeply.

Today I really feel like my recent positive attitude hasn’t been much more than a cover-up for how unhappy I still truly am.  It’s frustrating, because I don’t want to feel this way.  But sometimes the support that people offer just makes me feel worse about myself, or there isn’t any support from the people I really want it from.

I definitely feel a lot of pressure to just finish school – that I give up too easily, and that I’m not supposed to enjoy it.  There’s also the pressure to get a degree/diploma, just for the sake of having it, even if I never use it.  And then there’s the pressure to not pursue carpentry because I’ll never make enough money.

I really feel like I’m being pulled in all these different directions (none of which I don’t really want to go in) simply because I want to make people around me happy.

Fickle

It’s been an interesting week so far.  I say that because there have been days I love my program, days where I hated it (and while I didn’t contemplate quitting, I did consider pursuing a different career after finishing), days where I felt smart, days where I felt like a complete idiot, times when I wanted to work hard, and times when I wanted nothing other than to relax.

I suppose that’s pretty normal, but it’s somewhat draining.  And it doesn’t help that I’m not doing so well with the going to bed earlier, so the getting up earlier isn’t working so well either.

I’m making friends, which is awesome.  But I’m also spending way too much money on food, snacks, and drinks.  And that’s not so awesome.  I’ve packed a lunch every day, but it just doesn’t seem appetizing when lunch-time rolls around.  And then today I should’ve just gone home (as planned) for dinner.  Instead I asked Jay if he wanted to go for wings, and then we ended up going to Chili’s and I personally spent $50 on the meal (Jay ended up eating some leftovers while waiting for me, so he didn’t really eat anything at the restaurant).

I haven’t gone any clothing or shoe shopping sprees since Montreal though, so that has to count for something.

Yawn

My first day of class went really well.  I enjoyed myself…and learned a few new things.  So things are off to a good start in that sense.  However, I have already fallen back on my old procrastination habit.  I didn’t do my homework for tonight until 10pm.  And it only took 15 minutes.  It’s something for me to work on though.

Getting up early sucked.  But I was pretty awake by the time I made it to school, so I’m hoping that this trend will continue (or else improve) as the year progresses.

I’m getting the impression that I may not be able to fit blogging into my schedule as simply as thought.  Mainly because I actually have people to eat lunch with.  :-)  So for now it looks like it shall have to remain a part of my evening routine, as I plan on paying attention in class.

Tonight’s a short post; I apologize.  I really need to be getting to bed for around 10pm/10:30pm.  Not 11pm.  The more sleep the better, although I did have a nap after school today which was awesome.

This is the designer that made the dress I wore to the wedding.  I think they’re worth checking out – they use sustainable materials.

Bon Voyage!

I leave for Montreal in 11 hours!!!  I will be back on Monday.  And chances are, I won’t be blogging while I’m away (although stranger things have happened).

But I went to SAIT today to find everything.  And pick up my new laptop.  So I will definitely be playing around with it next week.

In other news, Jason is looking into a position up in Fort McMurray.  I completely support him (although I know I’ll miss him like crazy if it all works out).  It will suck a bit for the 2 years I’m in school, but we’ll be in a much better position after that (like probably buying a house!).  And considering the conditions up there, it is a much better option for him to go there and make money than it would be for me to go.  :-p

Right now, I need to get a bit of sleep so jet-lag doesn’t completely kill me.  So have a great weekend.  TTYL!

Yawn!

It’s currently 1:15am.  I should definitely NOT be up right now.  But tonight I got home from work at 9:15pm, and then I still had to pack for camping, do up a new resume, and re-make my bed.

And when I went to do a quick blog entry, I got side-tracked by something called the Diva Cup.  It looks…interesting.  But I’m still completely unsure.

There is a zit on my cheek that won’t go away.  It’s driving me insane.  And I’m starting to reach the stage where picking at it seems like a good idea.  Argh.

Giving my 2 weeks notice to Pier 1 today went surprisingly well.  My manager pretty much explained to herself why I wanted to leave (she got one of the reasons, but not the biggest one, but I wasn’t planning on telling her anyways!).

Tomorrow I’m going to be super tired.  And when I’m tired, I’m usually pretty grumpy and short-tempered.  A day of working at Pier 1 could be interesting.

As much as I like the beard, I’m beginning to want shaved Jay back.  :-(  But last time we talked, he said he had no desire to go back.

My Current Thoughts

My back hurts.

I haven’t been sleeping well.

My bedroom is a mess, and my To Do list has nothing crossed off.  I wish I had more time.

Working at Southwood library is awesome.  It’s almost like coming home.  Way better than Glenmore.

I don’t want to work at Pier 1.  I’m sick of having to get dressed up, and not being able to wear my heels.  Or my capris.  And I don’t want to take out my piercings or cover up my tattoo anymore.

I get to see Jay tonight.  :-)

When It’s Right, It’s Right

So I’ve been putting off subscribing to LouLou.  I buy it every month, but I didn’t really feel like shelling out a chunk of money (even though it’s cheaper) to be guaranteed it for a year.  Anyways, I got an e-mail from them today saying if I subscribe now for $14.95 + tax, I’d get an SPC card for free.  Now I love my SPC card.  I definitely used it lots last year (and saved lots of money).  And I was going to buy it again this year.  But now I don’t have to buy it!!!  So technically I’m saving that much more money.  Super stoked!

I’m still struggling to get up in the mornings.  Getting up right after my alarm goes off just seems so foreign to me.  Example: this morning my alarm went off at 6:30am, but I hit the snooze button until 9am.  That’s pretty pathetic.  Especially since I woke up right before my alarm went off and actually felt semi-awake.  It’s definitely a bad habit I’ve got ingrained into my mind, and body.  Something to work on.

Jay came back today.  :-)

I am going to attempt some yoga now.  I actually remembered to bring my mat up to my room (it was downstairs airing out from the last class I did – like 2 weeks ago).